The Color Of My Life

Colors play the main roles of my life. A splash of each color is the work of chemistry along my journey. In other words colors play major in each part of my life and the vibration of my feeling. White color is where I was born in virgin. A baby soul is pure, kindness or innocent and there is where I open my eyes and see the color of pureness life. White is the start of the beginning, the openness of life and the new development of steps. Yellow color is where I thought life supposes to be a Happy – Go – Luck and there weren’t any worries because I was in the care of parents with their protection. I grew up and I realize there is a thousand of rainbow color right in front me and waiting for me to explore. What I have in Yellow is the energy of joy and happiness or the active of our life. Yellow bring my smile, laughter and the creative of me. Because of those yellow, the warm of my heart bring the color of orange out from the world. The dynamic of Orange is associated with the warmth of the sun and is the connection of my sincere heart to the community and myself. Than the shade of blue color comes along and add me in. Blue is significant in religious beliefs and brings peace which it lit up our soul to touch the sky. I dream of the heaven and the cloud of sea. It was soothing for my eyes when I see the color of baby blue. That was the moment I felted the air and the surrounding of my environment is calm and a cozy which you wanted it to stay forever. Blue represent the color of sky and ocean which open our mind in wide perceptive way. But there is a blue color of devil where the feeling of sorrow, solitude, sad or depressed comes along to attack our heart. That’s why a phases of “blue Monday” is the universal word where a sad feeling represent the ideal moment.
Green also plays the color of life and the balance of our “Chi”. I learn and grow in green color where it brings my inner soul into harmony stages and the stability of life. Is also the color of healing eyes and that’s why most people add some plants in the office or homes for comforting zone. On the other side, green also play the roles of envy or jealousy. It’s a natural for us to compare because all of us is different. However, when the comparison is too competitive, an attitude of jealousy will comes and possessive the person character. Those green will be a toxic to a friendship.
The warmest color is Red with the strong which conflicting someone emotions from passionate love to violence and warfare. In the Chinese culture, Red is the color of joy, happiness and prosperity and used to attract of good luck. What I see in Red is the color of my life with the expression of anger and hatred. It may also represent the warm of my heart and the lust or seduction of my love life. It appeal to me Red is the sexy and passionate of love. When I am in love, Red color plays the main stage of my life.
Pink is the combination color of Red and White. It represents the feelings of caring, tenderness, sweet and the acceptance of love. Pink is the softer shades and more feminine side of all colors. Pink apply into my sweet memories and the moment of romance where I wanted to cherish in my heart. That’s why I love the color of pink carnation which means "I will never forget you and I Love you". As the times goes by, Grey color comes along where I see the cloudy or moody of my life. The dull of my life could it be Grey in color? Or will it be Black color? I couldn’t confirm and yet I don’t know the future of my life too. I certainly know that Black color will play a big role in my life. The fear, uncertainty and the darkness side of my negative forces soon will eat away all the colors of my life. Black seems like the punishment, an emptiness of me. It might be symbolizes as death in me. I know I was born in White color and the end of my life, the color of Black will take over me. Black reminds me not to look back the colors where I been through because it might bring the feeling of miss, regret, torn or shattered in the silent way of me. I just wish I am the color blind person whereby no color will impact my life. Everything I touch and see is black and white. A neutral and balance color is what I dream and look for. I hope if I born again, I throw into the color of Black and White.

No more struggle

I look at the grey sky and I scream with all my heart out. I pull out my hand trying to grab the cloud, up there. I couldn’t touch what I want. Sigh. The breeze of the air is not same anymore. Nothing works it use to be. Everything turns out as an ugly picture to me. I felt so tired and I felt like this is the end point of my life. I am lost and I can’t find anything for me to move on. I staring at the sky again with hatred in my eyes and suddenly a drop of tear flowing down to my cheek. I use a handkerchief to dry up my tears. But than again, I try to swallow each tear I drop. I need to be strong and each drop I swallow makes me eat up the sorrow I been going through. I don’t understand why I have to make myself suffer and tortured of the past. I need to forget those miserable memories. Things didn’t work out where I wanted it to be. Things have been beyond my control. I need to accept the failure of me. I may regret the way a thing goes by with my life. I can’t stop the stream of the river flow and there wasn’t any door for me to escape the fact. I hated myself for being fragile. The upset of me is needed to be stop. I can’t afford another attack of desperation. I must be strong enough to fight the dark side of my before it totally dominate my life. I cannot let the things haunt me forever. But than, I forgot what the meaning of happy is. I forgot the feeling of laughter and smile within my heart. I don’t know what should I need to do and where should I search my soul or what is the really inner part of me. How could I let myself hurt and painted my life into misery picture. I need to sit down and deal all the emotion and the sorrow away from my body. I need to take up my courage and ask the other side of my darkness away. My mentally need to be focus.
Suddenly the sky turn into black visual and is raining hard. It interrupts my medication. I try to focus again but it wasn’t working at all. Those upset flashbacks are attacking me and tiring me up again. My own cycle of emotion is killing me, and it prevents me from thinking clearly. I saw those evil spirits guarded me tightly and prevent me from escaping the misery of prison. I can’t find any way out from this darkness. I hated myself more for being so vulnerable. No matter how much I cope up my sorrow and pains, it seems that nothing work out the way I wanted it to be. Finally the feeling of fear has successfully conquered my life with 100%. I am giving up and no more struggles with my own fate. I need to accept my time has come. Now I waited the darkness eat up my life. I stretch up my arm and join the army of darkness.