Are promise meant to be broken?

Broken Promises is an entertaining word which gives people an excuse for not facing and accepting the responsibilities. By broken each single of promises, is a way for people to run away from the commitment. In any kind of relationship, people are required to commit and promise to each others. Whether the couples are truly faithful or not, a promise which is out from their heart during the romantic period is important for them to carry out and apply on their relationship. But when one of them fail to fulfill the promises and commitment; it might lead to disaster and the end of relationship. Problems, heart break, stress and sickness will occur continually and attacking the relationship until it tired out the heart. A promise is just like an umbrella to a relationship. When the umbrella is no longer there, you might get a sun burn or pouring water from it.

We often dreaming and believe the ideal lover should be the person hold the best things in our heart. He/She is our perfect person which we wanted to be with for the rest of our life. That time we were blind when romantic heart is there. The true of the ugliest person, won’t exist and we were possess by the charm of our own creation. Our naive to be with that person has made us to pretend to be in this part of the relationship. There wasn’t any perfect things happened in this world. There are no such word call by the name of Perfect. But in people perception perfect is everything and to be in that, the greediness of attitude will be appearing in their heart. Perfect or beauty is just the eyes of the beholder. But when it comes to broken promises, no matter what type of relationship whether it be romantic, beauty of it, etc… the previous strengthen of the bonds will be no more. People always take things for granted and doesn’t always cherish the promises and trust which the way that they should be. When the promises are damaged, everything will be doom for a relationship and it can never earn back what is the past and valued. Everything will be slip out from the hand itself. But will there be regret upon their heart? Some would be but some people may think this is just a way of life…..

No More Happiness

A Poem which touched my heart......


No More Happiness by Jonathan Coker


My heart that once burned like the ring of fire
With passion for you now is as dark as all the hate

The suffering I feel hurts me like a blade but it cuts
Where no blade can pierce and it seems as though
Everything I dreamed about is dead there is no more
Happiness or joy in my life there is only pain, agony, and hate

There is no more love left in my aching heart all I had I gave to
You, you were my angel you were my love, my passion, and my refuge
And I cry just remembering what you were to me

My soul once pure is no dark with hate and my mind that was
Once clear is now confused I thought that you really loved me
But I guess I was wrong you have broken my heart beyond repair
And now there is no more happiness in my life there is only pain

I was a fool to love you

Partner, Friend or Myself

I believe I’m his reality and she is her dream.
But it doesn’t matter now cause at the end of the days
He will know the road back to home.

Tonight as usual the room smells of his cologne
He was out with her again.
I told myself it doesn’t be matter
Cause at the end of the days he will come home.

What will matter to me is how long these are going to be stop
I can close my eyes without seeing the truth
But can I close my heart and without listening of all those lie
Can I pretend that lies never happen and takes it as my imagination?
Can I treated her as one my dear friends again

I choose to confront him but he denies the truth.
He said my jealousy blinded the trust which bonded within us.
I dig out the evidence to face him again
He told me he love me dearly and yet he can’t stop seeing her
He told me she needs him just as he needs me
He beg for my understanding

I was silence again and keep myself into corner which I longer to seek.
My future, hopes and planning are faded away
He will never shared my pain, my tears and my heart
The reflection that I recognize is gone.
Do I have the choice either of long life partner, friend or myself?
What is the choice out there it doesn’t matter now because
I am in my own world for now and forever.

A long night to end

I am just so sick of myself. Life is not great out there. Been struggling all the times and yet I still alive and keep up each breath it takes. I hate myself for being that weak. My life is keeping up as a shadow behind people foot steps. Each of those steps mark inside my heart with tiredness, hateful, sadness and blindless. Or am i just another of the reflection from the mirror. I look at the mirror and saw a stranger woman gaze back at me. I found the ugliness image I could ever imagine. I couldn't see any light into the eyes of that woman. I try to reach out and touch the soul and I found nothings there. The soul of the woman felt like been capture into the window of frame. I look deep again at the empty eyes of the stranger and I suddenly comes to realize I no longer recognize myself. I was that sad woman, dim with darkness. I look at the mirror again and finally I saw a watery gaze greet me. Perhaps this is my destiny to be trap into the reflection of window whereby there wasn't any escape. This is a self made prison. Than I slowly turn away and doesn't want to look at the mirror.

Suddenly the alarm go off. I hit the snozze. I drift myself wander away from this misery again?
I look at outside from my window. Sigh.... is been raining out there for few days and been keeping up as usual. The gloomy cloudy and the drizzling sound make the heart cold and the mood slipping away. I wonder it is the “shining and glowing weather spell already gone and replaced by the gloomy rain?” I can’t seem to think or create any stories or headlines to go for. I was out of ideas of what should I blab off. Nothing seems to amuse me and nothings seem to attract my attraction. I felt bored all the times. But than again, I keep on thinking of one of my friends said to me “Why your world is so grey? Can’t you think to write something to makes the world out there happier?” Those words have been reflecting on my mind for few days. Why I focus myself into a negavite point. Where is the positive of the life gone? I sigh again for whole day and finally I open my laptop and write the signature of today things.

In a puff of smoke, cigarette and drinking a glass wine from the bottle of 2005 Miguel Torres Santa Digna Sauvignon Blanc has accompany my whole evening. I have let my thoughts wander around. I puff again. The clouds I puff seem to represent my soul away from my body. Some of my dear friends make remarks of my new puff. They said puff until you smoke yourself to death and I was laughing to those jokes and the care of my health. I knew one puff of it; I have leaded my life into a new welcome of hell. But why should we want a longer life when there wasn’t any happy thing around your life.
Smoking is as much a psychological pleasure as it is a physiological satisfaction. I can’t explain why I have those senses of satisfaction. Each times, I puff out the smoke, I wander where is those smoke gone too. For now my eyes gaze to the other side of the window outside my house. I was looking at the stars which look so illumination at night. I wonder if this a God creation? If the God can made the world so beautiful why he didn’t answer my pray? Why God choose to ignore me. Or the God is too busy to notice me down here waiting for him to lead me into his world. Sigh, I took another puff and furious of myself for blaming unfortunate things to god. I know God is a belief. I should know the world out there, God does not exist. I took another sip of wine and wanted to drink myself to sleep. It seems today night is hard to go on……..

The Color Of My Life

Colors play the main roles of my life. A splash of each color is the work of chemistry along my journey. In other words colors play major in each part of my life and the vibration of my feeling. White color is where I was born in virgin. A baby soul is pure, kindness or innocent and there is where I open my eyes and see the color of pureness life. White is the start of the beginning, the openness of life and the new development of steps. Yellow color is where I thought life supposes to be a Happy – Go – Luck and there weren’t any worries because I was in the care of parents with their protection. I grew up and I realize there is a thousand of rainbow color right in front me and waiting for me to explore. What I have in Yellow is the energy of joy and happiness or the active of our life. Yellow bring my smile, laughter and the creative of me. Because of those yellow, the warm of my heart bring the color of orange out from the world. The dynamic of Orange is associated with the warmth of the sun and is the connection of my sincere heart to the community and myself. Than the shade of blue color comes along and add me in. Blue is significant in religious beliefs and brings peace which it lit up our soul to touch the sky. I dream of the heaven and the cloud of sea. It was soothing for my eyes when I see the color of baby blue. That was the moment I felted the air and the surrounding of my environment is calm and a cozy which you wanted it to stay forever. Blue represent the color of sky and ocean which open our mind in wide perceptive way. But there is a blue color of devil where the feeling of sorrow, solitude, sad or depressed comes along to attack our heart. That’s why a phases of “blue Monday” is the universal word where a sad feeling represent the ideal moment.
Green also plays the color of life and the balance of our “Chi”. I learn and grow in green color where it brings my inner soul into harmony stages and the stability of life. Is also the color of healing eyes and that’s why most people add some plants in the office or homes for comforting zone. On the other side, green also play the roles of envy or jealousy. It’s a natural for us to compare because all of us is different. However, when the comparison is too competitive, an attitude of jealousy will comes and possessive the person character. Those green will be a toxic to a friendship.
The warmest color is Red with the strong which conflicting someone emotions from passionate love to violence and warfare. In the Chinese culture, Red is the color of joy, happiness and prosperity and used to attract of good luck. What I see in Red is the color of my life with the expression of anger and hatred. It may also represent the warm of my heart and the lust or seduction of my love life. It appeal to me Red is the sexy and passionate of love. When I am in love, Red color plays the main stage of my life.
Pink is the combination color of Red and White. It represents the feelings of caring, tenderness, sweet and the acceptance of love. Pink is the softer shades and more feminine side of all colors. Pink apply into my sweet memories and the moment of romance where I wanted to cherish in my heart. That’s why I love the color of pink carnation which means "I will never forget you and I Love you". As the times goes by, Grey color comes along where I see the cloudy or moody of my life. The dull of my life could it be Grey in color? Or will it be Black color? I couldn’t confirm and yet I don’t know the future of my life too. I certainly know that Black color will play a big role in my life. The fear, uncertainty and the darkness side of my negative forces soon will eat away all the colors of my life. Black seems like the punishment, an emptiness of me. It might be symbolizes as death in me. I know I was born in White color and the end of my life, the color of Black will take over me. Black reminds me not to look back the colors where I been through because it might bring the feeling of miss, regret, torn or shattered in the silent way of me. I just wish I am the color blind person whereby no color will impact my life. Everything I touch and see is black and white. A neutral and balance color is what I dream and look for. I hope if I born again, I throw into the color of Black and White.

No more struggle

I look at the grey sky and I scream with all my heart out. I pull out my hand trying to grab the cloud, up there. I couldn’t touch what I want. Sigh. The breeze of the air is not same anymore. Nothing works it use to be. Everything turns out as an ugly picture to me. I felt so tired and I felt like this is the end point of my life. I am lost and I can’t find anything for me to move on. I staring at the sky again with hatred in my eyes and suddenly a drop of tear flowing down to my cheek. I use a handkerchief to dry up my tears. But than again, I try to swallow each tear I drop. I need to be strong and each drop I swallow makes me eat up the sorrow I been going through. I don’t understand why I have to make myself suffer and tortured of the past. I need to forget those miserable memories. Things didn’t work out where I wanted it to be. Things have been beyond my control. I need to accept the failure of me. I may regret the way a thing goes by with my life. I can’t stop the stream of the river flow and there wasn’t any door for me to escape the fact. I hated myself for being fragile. The upset of me is needed to be stop. I can’t afford another attack of desperation. I must be strong enough to fight the dark side of my before it totally dominate my life. I cannot let the things haunt me forever. But than, I forgot what the meaning of happy is. I forgot the feeling of laughter and smile within my heart. I don’t know what should I need to do and where should I search my soul or what is the really inner part of me. How could I let myself hurt and painted my life into misery picture. I need to sit down and deal all the emotion and the sorrow away from my body. I need to take up my courage and ask the other side of my darkness away. My mentally need to be focus.
Suddenly the sky turn into black visual and is raining hard. It interrupts my medication. I try to focus again but it wasn’t working at all. Those upset flashbacks are attacking me and tiring me up again. My own cycle of emotion is killing me, and it prevents me from thinking clearly. I saw those evil spirits guarded me tightly and prevent me from escaping the misery of prison. I can’t find any way out from this darkness. I hated myself more for being so vulnerable. No matter how much I cope up my sorrow and pains, it seems that nothing work out the way I wanted it to be. Finally the feeling of fear has successfully conquered my life with 100%. I am giving up and no more struggles with my own fate. I need to accept my time has come. Now I waited the darkness eat up my life. I stretch up my arm and join the army of darkness.

Life is difficult

Life is difficult. Life is full of obstacles, challenges, heart broken, disappointment and upset. Some people apply as life is like a roller coaster. Every little bit of things happen whether is great, happy, and sad or sorrow; is a priceless to go thorough. Life is just like a test and the trial for us to go through. Every little things which we taste, is just a creation of life and see how we handle it. We couldn’t stop the flow of river as well as our life. Nothing is a pause there for us to return and adjust the life to be perfect. A thing happened and is a history for us to remember and a lesson to learn. The experience we gain from the each of the tests we go through might be a way for us to have a better life or a choice for us to see and know. Dealing with those tests is like focusing the difficulties of life instead letting the difficulties overwhelm us. Everyone have their own strength and weakness inside them. It depends on the people how they use their courage and strong mind to accept, fight and knowing the difficulties of life. This is not an easy act or task than just a speech of words or advice. The action which taken might have a lot of difficulties stage to go through. The commitment and effort is easier to say than done. Life is about to change but than again this is depends individual. Some people might still want to stay in illusion and doesn’t want to accept the fact and reality. They rather torturing themselves and living in their own world. The fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment, ego or any form of negative are set on their mind and heart which makes them hard to swallow the reality of what they facing. They are willing to stand still and not going for any act. They are lost and finding excuses not to make any decision. Therefore by creating their own world, they will have an option to blame or making excuses to reshape their thinking which they think this is the way. These people have their own darkness to fight. No one can help them. They are the writer of their own life.
Yes ! Life is difficult and is an opportunity for us step into it with our own decision and stories to write it. How of this stories turn out to be it doesn’t matter at all. What is the matter is the author who creates and writes the stories needs to accept to consequences of the story line. Do not regret of what is written. Think well before it begins and there will be no eraser to remove it off once you start to write.